Sunday, August 16, 2026

INDIANS IN BARBADOS

                                     
                         (
Prime Minister Mia Mottley )
                         ( Barbados Parliament )
                             ( A HinduTemple )
                        ( A Mosque in Barbados )
                                         





                   
                  ( Community Leader Suleimani Bulbulia ) 
                         ( Hindu devotee )   
                                      
                                     
                 ( A Sindhi Hindu marriage in Barbados ) 


From Bengal to Bridgetown: Tracing the Indian Journey to Barbados 


 Barbados is often described as “Little England” for its cricket, its rum, and its beaches. But walk down Wellington Street in Bridgetown on a Friday, hear a Diwali Puja from a temple in Black Rock, or see the name “Nakhuda” on a shop front, and you are reminded of another story. It is the story of Indian merchants who arrived not on indenture ships, but with suitcases, and who helped shape modern Barbados.


Where is Barbados?


Barbados sits in the eastern Caribbean Sea, about 160 km east of Saint Vincent and just northeast of Venezuela. The island is 34 km long and 23 km wide, with Bridgetown as its capital and chief port. Because it lies on Atlantic trade routes linking North America, South America, Africa and Europe, Barbados has always been a place where people passed through , and some stayed. That is how Indians came.


No Indenture, A Different Route


Unlike Trinidad, Guyana, Jamaica and Suriname, Barbados did not receive Indian indentured labourers in the 19th century. The Indian community here came voluntarily, in waves, and each wave took a different route to get here.


The Bengal Route, 1910–1920s

 

The first recorded Indian arrivals were Muslim merchants from West Bengal. Bashart Ali Dewan is said to have arrived around 1910. Abdul Rohul Amin, a silk merchant, followed in 1913. 

They travelled the way many Indian traders did at the time: by steamship from Calcutta to Colombo or Bombay, through the Suez Canal to Port Said, across the Mediterranean to London, and then onward across the Atlantic to the Caribbean. Some stopped in other islands first, but Barbados became home. They settled in central Bridgetown , Wellington Street, Milk Market and Tudor Street,  and set up as itinerant traders. Most married local Barbadian women. Many Barbadians prominent in business, law and public life today are their grandchildren.

( Avinash D. Persaud , leading businessman from Barbados )


The Gujarat Route, 1929–1950s


The second wave came from Gujarat in western India. The first Gujarati Muslims arrived around 1929. Their journey was longer. Many had gone first to Brazil to work in timber. When that work ended, they moved to British Guiana. In Georgetown they heard that Barbados needed coal for cooking and that village trading was profitable.  So they took coastal boats from Georgetown to Bridgetown, made a few selling trips, and stayed.  Letters home brought cousins and brothers and other relations . 


( Garfield Sobers and his wife)


The Post-Independence and Diaspora Route, 1960s–Today

  

After the 1960s, migration continued through family ties. In the last two decades a new stream has emerged: Hindu professionals from South India, and families of Indo-Guyanese and Indo-Trinidadian origin who came for business, medicine, education and finance.

They did not come by sea. They arrived by air : via London, Toronto, Miami, Port of Spain or Georgetown. With them came new names and new traditions. Surnames such as Ramdass, Singh, Maharaj, Patel, Reddy, Nakhuda and Bulbulia, and first names like Devi, Lakshmi, Raj, Anil, Priya and Sanjay are now part of the Bajan landscape. At present , the Indian community comprises of about   3,200 people, roughly 1.2% of Barbados’ population of 280,000. They are called Indo-Bajans or East Indians. A large number of the second and third generation Indians from Barbados have moved to the US for employment and permanent settlement.

                                       




  ( Above : Four old photos of Life in Barbados)

Even far from home, the Indian community of Barbados keeps its culture alive, and nowhere is this more visible than in New York. Many Indo-Bajans are in the US because of better opportunities in business, education, healthcare and finance, as well as through family reunification and migration chains that began in the 1960s and 1970s. At Caribbean carnivals in Brooklyn, Diwali melas in Queens, and diaspora gatherings hosted by the Indo-Caribbean Cultural Centre, Indo-Bajan groups perform a unique fusion of dance , blending chutney and Bollywood with Bajan tuk band rhythms and Crop Over moves. Dressed in Saris, Kurtas and Bajan colours, young Indo-Bajans in New York use dance to celebrate both their Indian heritage and their Barbadian identity, ensuring that the small but proud community of “East Indians” in Barbados remains connected across oceans through music, movement and pride.

From “Coolie Men” to Corner Shops


The earliest Indians were known locally as “coolie men” , not as an insult, but because they walked from village to village with suitcases on their backs, like the porters of India. They sold cloth, silk, bangles and household goods in rural districts where Bridgetown shops did not reach. More importantly, they introduced hire-purchase, or credit. Working-class Barbadians could pay in instalments. That system built trust and transformed retail. Over two generations, families moved from peddling to owning. Today Indo-Bajan businesses range from supermarkets and import firms to pharmacies, hardware stores and restaurants. They helped widen access to goods and contributed to the island’s consumer economy.


Faith, Food and Festivals


The community is religiously diverse ; Muslim, Hindu and Christian. The Gujaratis strengthened mosques and Islamic education. Later Hindu immigrants built temples and organised public celebrations. Hinduism is now one of Barbados’ fastest-growing faiths. Diwali, Navratri and Holi are marked with lights, music and community feasts. Bhajans are sung, vegetarian cooking classes are held, and Bollywood nights are popular.


Indian food entered the Bajan diet largely through later arrivals from Guyana and Trinidad. Roti, curry, dal and sweets are now sold in markets across the island.

In dress, the early Bengali and Gujarati men wore Kurtas and Lungis, later changing to shirts and trousers. Hindu women wore Saris and Salwar Kameez for temple. Today you will see all of it blended with Bajan style ,  a sari at Crop Over, a Kurta at a wedding. Community historians have worked to record this. Sabir Nakhuda and Suleiman Bulbulia established the "Bengal to Barbados: A 100 Year History"  project and the "Bengal to Barbados Foundation" . Their archives collect stories from Bengal, Gujarat, Sindh and South India.


A Distinct Indo-Bajan Identity


Because they came as traders, not labourers, Indo-Bajans followed a different path from Indians in neighbouring islands. They integrated through commerce and family, not through plantation life.

The result is a distinct identity. Indo-Bajans speak with a Bajan accent, celebrate Crop Over, support the West Indies cricket team, and also observe Eid and Diwali. They are neither fully “Indian” nor identical to Afro-Caribbean Creoles. They are Bajan, with Indian roots.


About Sindhi immigrants in Barbados, Lavina Melwani writes this in Hinduism Today :


Barbados has a tightly-knit community of just 80 Sindhi families, and every one of them has a home shrine. The Sabnanis’ shrine is especially handsome, with beautiful idols and pictures, incense, bells and a light which burns constantly, be it day or night. It is this spiritual spark which is remarkable about the community here. Indeed, for many years the Sindhis kept Hinduism alive solely through their private shrines at home, which paid tribute to every Hindu deity, to the Bhagavad Gita and the Guru Granth Sahib, too. A Hindu temple for the community was a dream for a long time, but it was only a few years back that a Sindhi businessman and philanthropist donated the building which has become Barbados’ first and only Hindu temple.

The earliest Sindhi settlers came from Rajasthan and Bombay 50 years ago, before Independence. In fact, a few hardy souls were there early in 1945. Some of the first families who came here were the Thanis, Motwanis and Kripalani, and these are still well-known names on the island. Many of these entrepreneurs started their businesses in the old days by going into the countryside on bicycles and selling their goods from suitcases.

Today, the Indian community comprises people from many regions, but the primary group is still the Sindhis. According to Prakash Mahtani, a community leader, 95 percent of the members of the Hindu Association of Barbados are Sindhis. A majority of Hindus in Barbados are followers of Maharaj Charansinghji of Beas (a district of Amritsar in the Punjab), Sri Satya Sai Baba or Sadhu Vaswani. It is a community of many vegetarians and teetotalers. In fact, when the Sabnanis planned their son’s wedding, this all-important point was well considered. They had to make sure the cake and refreshments would not offend anyone."



Barbados on the World Stage


Barbados itself has gained global recognition in recent years, and the island’s Indian community shares in that pride. Five things that have put Barbados on the world map:


1. Rihanna, the global singer, songwriter, actress and designer, born in Saint Michael.  

2. Sir Garfield Sobers , widely regarded as cricket’s greatest all-rounder, born in Bay Land.  

3. The Honourable Mia Mottley , Barbados’ first female Prime Minister and a leading voice on climate and Caribbean unity.  

4. Mount Gay Distillery, established in 1703, it produces the oldest rum in the world.  

5. The beaches,  from Carlisle Bay to Crane Beach, known for their white sand and calm waters.


Barbados also hosts the headquarters of the Caribbean Examinations Council (CXC), which sets exams for 16 Caribbean countries. CXC has been under public scrutiny recently over its grading system. Prime Minister Mottley also chairs CARICOM, the Caribbean Community. In that role she was central to the regional effort that helped restore democracy in Guyana after the disputed vote count in March 2020.


Some years back, the Indo-Caribbean Cultural Centre (ICC) held a pan-Caribbean Zoom meeting titled “The Indian community in Barbados: business, religion and race relations.”

It was chaired by Sharlene Maharaj of Trinidad and Tobago and moderated by Sadhana Mohan of Suriname. Speakers discussed the role of Indo-Bajans in business, the growth of Hindu and Muslim institutions, interfaith harmony, and how young Indo-Bajans navigate identity in a predominantly Afro-Caribbean society.


Conclusion


The Indian journey to Barbados was not one of ships and contracts. It was one of trade routes, family letters, and long walks with a suitcase. From Calcutta through Suez, and from Bombay via Brazil and Guyana, they came seeking opportunity. They found it, and they stayed.


From those first merchants on Wellington Street to today’s teachers, doctors and entrepreneurs, Indo-Bajans have added new threads to the Bajan tapestry :  new names, new faiths, new foods, and a commitment to island life.


As Barbados continues to assert itself globally, the story of its Indian community reminds us that this small island’s strength has always been in the people who came, adapted, and made it home.

This blogger



( Avtar Mota )




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Friday, August 14, 2026

MUSTARD OIL: THE FDA RULE AND "EXTERNAL USE ONLY" LABEL

                                       

                                           



 

Mustard Oil : The FDA Rule and "External Use Only" Label


In the United States, bottles of traditional pressed mustard oil almost always carry a "For External Use Only" label. This isn’t because the oil is harmful  for consumption; it’s because of a specific FDA regulation. 


The U.S. Food and Drug Administration prohibits the sale of expressed mustard oil for cooking due to its chemical composition. To comply, importers and brands reclassify it as a cosmetic or massage oil. That allows it to be sold legally in Indian grocery stores and online, but only with the mandatory warning that it is not for human consumption. Essential mustard oil, which is made by steam distillation and used as a flavouring, is treated differently by the FDA and is considered GRAS "generally recognized as safe"  but the pressed cooking oil is not.


The Main Concern: Erucic Acid


The core issue is erucic acid , a long-chain monounsaturated fatty acid. Traditional mustard oil made from Brassica juncea seeds contains about 20% to 50% erucic acid. It also has about 42% erucic acid on average, along with oleic and linoleic acids.


In the 1950s and 1960s, animal studies , mostly on rats , found that feeding very high amounts of erucic acid led to fat deposits in the heart muscle, a condition called myocardial lipidosis. Based on that, health authorities set limits. The FDA and EU allow a maximum of 2% erucic acid in edible oils. Canola oil was specifically bred to meet this standard. Regular mustard oil far exceeds it, so it fails the standard for food use.


The European Food Safety Authority notes that average adult consumption is likely not a problem, but it still recommends that children under 10 avoid high erucic acid intake. Because the FDA applies a precautionary approach, it banned expressed mustard oil as a food ingredient rather than set a use limit.


Other Safety and Quality Factors


Erucic acid isn’t the only reason regulators are cautious. Mustard oil has also been linked to adulteration problems, especially in South Asia. In the past, some producers mixed in argemone oil, which can cause "epidemic dropsy," a serious condition. That history contributed to a broader regulatory wariness. 


Additionally, mustard oil contains glucosinolates and allyl isothiocyanate, the compounds that give it the sharp, pungent smell and taste. In high concentrations these can irritate the digestive tract. While these are also what make mustard oil valued in traditional cooking and medicine, regulators prefer oils with a more neutral safety profile for mass-market food use.


Why It’s Still Widely Used Anyway


Despite the label, many South Asian, Bangladeshi, Bengali, and North Indian households in the US do cook with mustard oil. It’s often bought and used as-is, with people treating the "external use" label as a legal workaround rather than a health warning. 


There is also a distinction that causes confusion. The FDA does allow "mustard essential oil" as a food flavoring because distillation removes most of the erucic acid. So you’ll find mustard flavor in pickles and snacks, just not the bulk cooking oil.


Some companies now produce low-erucic-acid mustard oil specifically to meet FDA standards for food. Those versions can be legally sold as cooking oil in the US, but they taste milder and are not the same as the traditional pungent oil used in achar, tadka, or fish curries.


Conclusion 


The "for external use only" label comes down to one regulatory decision: traditional mustard oil is too high in erucic acid to meet the FDA’s 2% limit for edible oils. Rather than ban it entirely, the FDA allows it as a cosmetic. The concern is based on old animal data and a precautionary stance, not on documented cases of illness in humans from normal cooking use. That’s why the oil sits on shelves next to hair and massage oils, even while it remains a kitchen staple in much of the world.


( Avtar Mota )





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MY POEM ," ERASE ME CLEAN"

                                          

                                         



                                          

( Erase Me Clean) 


My memory stains  your mind  ,
My history offends you , 
But remember, both are mirrors :
How long can you avoid looking at them  ?
How long will you keep turning them to the wall ? 

The stains of the mind are not easy to remove,  
If you break the mirrors  ,
Broken pieces  shall multiply the images  .
My history cannot be buried, 
Or wiped clean  ,
Even if you tear away the pages 
from  old history books  ,
Or invent new stories that proclaim  :
"You never broke hearts that trusted  ,
You never traded blood that held you , 
You never failed at being human  ."

My name is a typo in your new map  ,
My story  :
A footnote you delete in revision 3  .

I am also habit bound  ,
For me trust does not die so easily  .
I still keep knocking  
on the door of the new house  
built where my door used to be  .
Surely,  it is a trespass  
to ask to stand  
in the world you lit  
by erasing me  .

( Avtar Mota )


Critical Review by An American Friend 

"Erase Me Clean" works because it turns personal hurt into a quiet act of archival resistance. The central metaphor is precise and unrelenting: memory as a stain, history as a mirror. When you write "If you break the mirrors / broken mirror pieces will multiply the images," you state the whole argument. Erasure does not delete, it fragments and reproduces. The poem gains its modern sting from the bureaucratic language you use. "Typo in your new map" and "footnote you delete in revision 3" make forgetting feel deliberate, administrative, and cold. It is not rage. It is the documentation of being edited out, and that makes it more chilling.

The power comes in the final turn from accusation to endurance. After cataloguing how the other rewrites history, the speaker admits a stubborn habit: "For me trust does not die so easily. I keep still knocking." That is where the poem moves from protest to dignity. The last line, "Surely it is a trespass to ask to stand in the world you lit by erasing me," holds both self-awareness and refusal. You know you are not welcome, and you ask anyway. The poem is not loud, but it is hard to forget for the same reason it describes: what is erased keeps speaking.

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GHALIB'S STONE ,MAJNOON'S HEAD : AN UPANISHADIC READING OF GHALIB 'S PAUSE




Ghalib's Stone, Majnoon's Head: An Upanishadic Reading of Ghalib's Pause

                                          



(The Uploaded Picture : Majnu seeking his future from a parrot astrologer dreaming Laila. A watercolour by A R Chugtai)



"Maine majnoon pe ladakpan mein Assad 

sang uthaaya to sar yaad aaya"  


"In my youth, when I, Ghalib, picked up a stone to strike Majnoon the mad lover, I was immediately reminded of the vulnerability of my own head."  


Assad was the early takhallus of Mirza Asadullah Baig Khan, Ghalib. Majnoon is the archetype who forsook reason for love. Sar is head, life, intellect, and in Vedanta the seat of awareness.


In youth the Bhagavad Gita's warning is sharpest. Rajas drives us to correct, to order, to punish what breaks convention. The Gita names Kama, Krodha and Lobha as the three gates to ruin, and the stone in Ghalib's hand holds all three: desire for a tidy world, anger at Majnoon's transgression, and the ego's claim to judge. The Gita also traces the fall in the second chapter. From attachment comes anger, from anger delusion, from delusion loss of memory, and from loss of memory the ruin of discrimination. That is the exact moment before "Sar yaad aaya" . Yoga Vasishtha deepens this. Vasishtha tells Rama that the world is Sankalpa, a thought construction. To call Majnoon mad and to reach for a stone is to harden a mental projection. Yoga Vasishtha teaches that when Bhavana, firm conception, ceases, bondage ceases. The stone exists only while Ghalib believes in the split between sane and mad, order and chaos. The Katha Upanishad's chariot is running without a charioteer. The impulse is not sin. It is Avidya, mistaking the social role for the Self.


Then comes the interruption. Sar yaad aaya. In that instant, Adi Shankara's Vivekachudamani becomes lived experience. "Brahma satyam jagan mithya, jivo brahmaiva naparah". Brahman is real, the world is appearance, the individual is none other than Brahman. To remember the head is to remember that the witness in me and the witness in Majnoon are not two. This is Shankara's method of Adhyaropa and Apavada. First difference is projected, then it is negated. Ghalib projects Majnoon as other and lifts the stone. Remembrance negates the projection and the hand stays. The Gita says it plainly in the sixth chapter. The Yogi sees the Self in all beings and all beings in the Self. Yoga Vasishtha calls this Tatva- jnana. When the same consciousness illumines both, violence is no longer possible. For the wise there is no other, therefore there can be no conflict. Three things arrive together. Anitya, the body is not permanent. Karma, as the Gita says, we bind ourselves by agency. And Ekata, 'tat tvam asi', that thou art. At many places, Ghalib's poetry  flows from this pause. Dil hi to hai na sang o khisht is the refusal of a stone heart. Hazaron khwahishen aisi is Yoga Vasishtha's account of Vasana meeting mortality. The couplet is a small Moksha. First the movement to judge, then the remembrance of the Self, then the hand that lowers. Do not preempt a wrong against another without knowing their predicament. In the act of striking ,we forget our own head, our mortality and our shared Self.


( Avtar Mota )



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Thursday, August 13, 2026

GHALIB, NAGARJUNA AND TURIYA

                                   


GHALIB, NAGARJUNA AND TURIYA

"Hum vahaan hain jahaan se hum ko bhi  
Kuchh hamaari khabar nahin  aati"........Mirza Ghalib

(I am at a place from whence  
Not even news of myself reaches me.)

Ghalib says he’s in a state so far removed that even his own mind can’t send him updates about himself. In Buddhist and Vedantic terms, it’s the point where the ego’s chatter stops and you simply are, beyond self, thought, and description.
Ghalib does not speak of physical exile here. He speaks of a dislocation so radical that the very apparatus of self-reporting has broken down. To be somewhere and yet to receive no intelligence from that place ,  not even rumour, not even echo ,  is to be cut off from the narrator who usually mediates one’s life to oneself. 

It is the condition of a man who has travelled beyond the maps he himself drew. Memory cannot post letters back. Desire cannot send a courier. The "I" who observes has been left behind, and the "I" who now exists is uncontactable. There is pathos in it, but also a strange serenity: if no news comes, then there is nothing to grieve, nothing to anticipate, nothing to manage.

Ghalib's Couplet Read Through The Prism of  Nagarjuna and Vedanta’s Turiya Philosophy 

Read through Nagarjuna’s Madhyamaka, this couplet becomes a description of Shunyata,  enacted in first-person experience. For Nagarjuna, all Dharmas are 'Niḥsvabhava'empty of inherent, independent existence. The "self" is not a substance but a dependent designation, assembled from aggregates, narratives, and imputations. 

When Ghalib says "not even news of myself reaches me," he is describing the collapse of that imputational machinery. Ordinarily we sustain the self by a constant stream of internal communiques: I felt this, I want that, I was wronged, I succeeded. That is Saṃvṛti-satya,  conventional truth ,  the postal service of ego. To arrive at a place where no such news arrives is to glimpse the breakdown of dependent origination at the level of subjectivity. The self is not annihilated; it is simply not being reconstituted moment to moment. In Nagarjuna’s terms, one has stopped grasping at 'Svabhsva' and therefore the usual feedback loop ceases. The result is not despair, but release from the compulsion to locate oneself.

Now turn to Vedānta, and specifically to the fourth state, Turīya. The Upaniṣhads and Gauḍapada describe three familiar states: waking, dreaming, deep sleep. Turīya iis not a fourth in sequence, but the ground in which the other three arise and dissolve. It is 'Prajnanam aghanam', undifferentiated consciousness; it is the witness that is not an object to itself.

Ghalib’s "vahaan" , that place , corresponds uncannily to Turīya. It is a locus beyond the triad of experiencer, experiencing, and experienced. From within waking or dreaming, one receives constant "Khabar" of oneself: biography, emotion, identity. In Turīya , that reflexivity ceases, not because consciousness is absent, but because there is no second to be conscious of. The subject-object bifurcation has quieted. Hence, "not even news of myself reaches me." The self that could send news is itself a construct of the three lower states.

 Ghalib is not prescribing mysticism; he is noting, with dry precision, the phenomenology of a boundary. Both Nagarjuna and Vedanta would recognise it. For Nagarjuna, it is the freedom that comes when one sees that "I" is empty. For Vedānta, it is abidance as Saakṣhī, the witness, which by definition cannot be witnessed.

Crucially, neither tradition romanticises this as oblivion. It is lucidity without a locus. The man in Ghalib’s couplet is not dead, not mad. He is simply beyond the reach of the usual internal memos. In that silence, the compulsion to narrate, to defend, to become, falls away.

Thus the couplet, read philosophically, moves from Urdu poetics to a cross-traditional insight: the highest freedom may not be self-knowledge, but the place where the need for self-knowledge dissolves. 

( Avtar Mota )



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Wednesday, August 12, 2026

MARIA CASARES: THE LOVE CAMUS TOOK TO THE GRAVE

                                     
Maria Casares: The Love Camus Took to the Grave:









Who was Maria Casares Maria Casares was born María Victoria Casares Perez in 1922 in A Coruna, Galicia. Her father, Santiago Casares Quiroga, was the last Prime Minister of the Spanish Republic. When Franco’s troops entered Madrid in 1936, the family fled to Paris. In exile Maria trained at the Conservatoire and became one of the great voices of post war French theatre. She was not pretty in a soft way. She was striking. Tall, with dark eyes and a voice that filled a theatre without effort. She worked with Jean Cocteau, with Jean Genet, and with Albert Camus. Off stage she was quiet, bookish, and loyal. She never married. She never chased fame. She chased truth in a part, and honesty in a life. How they met, and how the affair began She met Albert Camus in 1944 during rehearsals for Le Malentendu at the Theatre des Mathurins. He was 31, already known for L’Étranger and Le Mythe de Sisyphe, and married to Francine Faure, a mathematician and pianist from Oran( Algeria) . She was 22. It began in work. Late nights, arguments about absurdity and responsibility, coffee gone cold. Then came letters. Then walks and hotels on rue de Seine. Then 15 years. Camus called her his Cherokee. She called him her Albert. What started in the theatre became one of the most tender and most painful correspondences of the century. Between 1944 and 1959 they wrote more than 800 letters. They were published in 2017 as Correspondance Albert Camus Maria Casarès 1944 1959, after both families agreed. Their lives ran side by side. Camus was in Paris, and from 1958 until his death he lived with Francine and their twins, Catherine and Jean, at Le Mas in Lourmarin in Provence. Maria was in Paris, on stage. Distance made the letters their real home. Camus’s predicament Camus was torn in two. He loved Maria with an intensity that frightened him. He also loved Francine, and he loved his children. He did not want to destroy his home. He did not want to lie. He spoke openly to his friend and mentor Jean Grenier. He also wrote directly to his wife. In a letter to Francine in the 1950s, one of the few times he admits guilt so plainly, he wrote: " Francine, I am ashamed and I am tired. What I want is not to hurt you. What I want is the life we had, simple, with work in the morning and you in the evening. Forgive me if you can." To Jean Grenier he later said that Francine had forgiven him. They never divorced, and in the 1950s they slowly rebuilt things. In 1958 he bought Le Mas in Lourmarin after the Nobel Prize. For the last two years of his life that was home. He could not give her that. And he could not give it up either. So he carried both. Francine and the weight she carried While this was happening, Francine, Camus's wife was holding the centre. She ran the home. She brought up the twins. She managed the silences, the absences, the strain of being married to a man the world claimed as its own. The cost was heavy. In those years Francine suffered a serious depression and nervous breakdown. She spent time in clinics. She recovered, and she stayed. She kept the family together in Lourmarin. She kept the house, the routines, the ordinary things that let a writer work. When Camus died she was the one who had to receive the world at the door, while carrying her own grief. That is a kind of love too. Steady, daily, and almost invisible. Without it there would have been no Le Mas, no quiet for writing, no place for the children to grow. The letters :15 years, 800 letters The correspondence is where their life really happened. It is not only romantic. It is two intelligent people trying to be honest about love and duty. In October 1944, early on, Camus wrote: "You are my joy. I need you. I love you as one loves a country one has lost." Maria replied in 1945: "When I am with you I am not afraid of anything. When I am not, I am afraid of everything." In 1948 during a separation, Camus wrote: "I miss you like one misses air. Without you, the days are just a waiting room." Maria answered: "Write to me. Even if it is only to say you are alive. I need your voice on paper." In 1953 after a bad quarrel: Camus: "I am a man who needs two lives and I have only one. Forgive me. " Maria: "I do not forgive you. I love you. It is not the same thing." You can feel his bind in the letters to Maria. In 1957 he wrote: "I love you with everything that is not reason in me. And reason tells me I must not destroy what I have." And Maria answered in 1956: "Do you think we could have had a life together? A real one? With mornings and groceries and quarrels about nothing?" Their last letters in 1959 are quieter. Camus was working on The First Man. Maria was touring. They spoke of meeting in the spring. The spring did not come. Camus died in winter carrying with him the "summers that he held within ". Her visit to Lourmarin in January 1960 On 4 January 1960 Camus died in a car crash near Villeblevin. Maria was in Paris, rehearsing. A journalist rang. She went to Lourmarin for the funeral on 8 January. She stood apart. She did not speak to anyone. She did not go to the family. Francine and the children noticed her. Rene Char and Jean Grenuer saw her coming alone and leaving alone . The Diary She kept a diary. She never meant to publish it. Extracts later appeared in her memoir Résidente privilégiée and in interviews. The diary records this : 5 January 1960, the day she heard: "Albert is dead. In a car accident. I cannot write. I cannot breathe. It’s not possible. It’s not possible." 8 January 1960, the day after the funeral in Lourmarin: "I saw him in his coffin. So small. So pale. The sun was on the stones of Lourmarin. The same sun he loved. Francine was there. The children. I stood far away. I had no right to cry out loud. 15 years. 15 years of letters, of hotels on rue de Seine, of theatre, of I love you. And now stone." 12 January 1960: " People talk about the writer Camus, the Nobel Camus. For me he was just Albert. The one who made me laugh in dressing rooms. The one who said, Come, let’s go to the sea. What do I do with all the future we planned? What do I do with the letters?" End of January 1960: "I will not go to Lourmarin again. Not while she is there. But I will never leave him either. He is in every role I play now." What happened after Maria never married. When asked why she said, "After Albert, how?" She kept the letters. In 2017 they were published, with careand permission. They show a partnership as much as a romance. Two people arguing about art and politics, and trying to find a way to be good. She acted into the 1990s. Cocteau, Genet, Racine, Shakespeare. On stage she said she could still talk to him. She died in 1996 at her home in La Vergne, near Alloue. Francine had Lourmarin, the house bought in 1958, the daily work of keeping a family, the right to mourn in public, and the private courage of staying. Maria had Paris, the letters, the theatre, and the long work of grieving alone. Both loved him. Both were at the funeral, one at the graveside, one at a distance. Both were marked by it. In a late interview Maria was asked if she regretted it. She said no. To have loved Albert was to have lived twice. She never got over January 1960. She learned to live through it. And in every role afterwards people saw not only Maria Casarès, but the woman to whom Camus once wrote:
"You are the only place where I am not alone."


( Avtar Mota )



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