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Literary and Cultural Writeups .
Book Review: ,'Half Paddle Double Seat — My Kashmir Memories & More:
Author:** Dr. Inder Krishen Kilam
Publisher:** Rudransh Books Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi
Price:** ₹465/=
ISBN:** 978-93-49865-81-5
There are books that arrive as literature, and there are books that arrive as memory. Dr. Inder Krishen Kilam’s 'Half Paddle Double Seat — My Kashmir Memories & More' belongs to the second category, though at places it quietly enters the first. It is not merely a memoir of one individual; it is a family album, a cultural notebook, a record of Kashmiri Pandit middle-class life, and a gentle act of remembrance after rupture. The author himself says that he wrote it “not to be remembered, but to remember,” and this single line gives the reader the key to the entire work.
The title is charming, unusual and meaningful. “Half Paddle Double Seat” comes from the author’s childhood in Srinagar, when, being too short to ride a bicycle in the usual way, he learned to move it by using only half-pedals, and yet could carry another person on the double seat. What begins as a boyhood anecdote becomes a metaphor for life. Many people born in modest families know this condition well: resources are limited, responsibilities arrive early, but the journey cannot be postponed. One must learn to balance, move, carry, endure and still smile. This is the governing spirit of the book.
Dr. Kilam was born in Srinagar into a middle-class Kashmiri Pandit family. His early pages take us through Fateh Kadal, Alikadal, Karfali Mohalla, Karan Nagar, Mission School, DAV School, Amar Singh College and the many lanes, bridges, temples, schools and homes that once formed the breathing map of Kashmiri Pandit life in Srinagar. The book is rich in names: relatives, teachers, neighbours, friends, colleagues, mentors, domestic helpers, officials, priests and ordinary men and women. Some readers may feel the details are excessive, but that is also the nature of memory in a displaced community. A name recorded is a name saved from silence.
The early chapters carry the fragrance of old Srinagar. The author remembers school prayers, teachers, picnics, family rituals, food habits, bicycle rides, the Jhelum, Dal Lake, Karan Nagar homes, the solemn dignity of elders and the affectionate discipline of parents. He writes of his mother, Bahanjee, and father, Baboojee, with reverence. The mother emerges as a figure of quiet courage and household wisdom; the father as a responsible man who tries to hold two families together despite financial and health difficulties. Such portraits are not ornamental. They show the values that shaped a generation: restraint, education, duty, family honour and self-respect.
One of the most attractive features of the memoir is its lack of false heroism. Dr. Kilam does not project himself as a celebrity. In fact, the book’s strength lies in its ordinariness. He tells us of mistakes, fears, missed chances, setbacks, job searches and adjustments. He writes of the burden of responsibility after family tragedies, of career shifts from All India Radio to Punjab National Bank, and later to academics. He records his professional rise in PNB, where he served for more than three decades and retired as Deputy General Manager. Later, he entered academic life at Manav Rachna institutions, becoming professor, head of department, dean of students’ welfare, and also associated with community radio. The journey is steady, not glamorous; but it is precisely this steadiness that makes it credible.
The chapter “PhD@69” is among the most inspiring parts of the book. The author’s academic desire did not die even when life interrupted it. He had earlier lost opportunities, including his research plans, because of family responsibilities and later a painful litigation linked to his banking profession. Yet the urge to study survived. Completing a Ph.D. at the age of 69 is not just an academic achievement; it is a moral statement. It tells younger readers that learning is not a phase of life but a discipline of the mind.
The painful chapter dealing with banking-related court litigation reveals another aspect of the author’s life: endurance under unfair pressure. The book refers to a fabricated or baseless case connected with a bank loan defaulter, and the long legal battle that followed. This episode affected his health and disrupted his academic plans. Yet he continued. In this respect, the memoir becomes a document of middle-class resilience. Many Indian families know this story in one form or another: a decent man caught in a system, spending years proving what should have been obvious from the beginning.
For readers connected with Kashmir, the most moving sections are those that preserve the social world before the upheaval of 1990. The chapter on Malla Aziz, called “Our Man Friday,” stands out. Through Abdul Aziz, Dr. Kilam recalls a time when human relationships crossed religious lines without publicity, slogans or seminars. These were everyday bonds built through work, trust, dependence and affection. Such memories are precious because they neither deny the later tragedy nor reduce the past to hatred. They tell us that Kashmir was once lived through relationships, not merely argued through politics.
The chapter on the migration of Kashmiri Pandits is naturally one of the saddest in the book. Dr. Kilam does not write as a political analyst; he writes as someone whose family and community lived through loss, fear, dispersal and the slow pain of dislocation. For Kashmiri Pandits, memory is not nostalgia alone; it is evidence. Homes were sold, neighbourhoods emptied, temples and social networks were left behind, and generations grew up away from the soil that had shaped their ancestors. The author’s ancestral connection with Kashmir remains alive through visits to sacred places like Mata Kheer Bhawani, Hari Parbat, Zeethyaer and Shankaracharya Mandir. These visits are not tourism; they are acts of belonging. This chapter records how a community survived with dignity even when it faced hostile environment on all fronts. In this chapter, one also comes across a very evocative poem of Indra Kilam, wife of Dr. Kilam. Returning to her motherland after 1990, she holds a dialogue with the autumn Chinar:
"Which law took away our rights
we never even came to know.
Even the land we had bought
is no longer ours today.
At the doorstep of justice,
there is not even a mention of it.”
Land “slipped away from closed fists like grains of sand,”yet she tells the vermilion Chinar that spring will bloom again, even as “the autumn of our abandoned courtyard still stands there, colourless and frozen in time.” Prose and poetry together lift this chapter beyond memoir. It is testimony to loss and resilience, accusation without hysteria, grief without self-pity.
The book also includes photographs, family trees and personal records. These visual elements give the memoir a documentary value. The family tree of the Kilams, the school photographs, family images and Kashmir-related memories help the reader locate the author inside a broader social and genealogical frame. In many modern books, such details may be edited out for smoothness. Here they should be retained, because the book is partly a private archive made public.The language of the book is simple, direct and conversational. Its purpose is not stylistic brilliance. Its purpose is preservation. And in that task, it succeeds. The author’s tone is candid and sincere. He does not exaggerate suffering, nor does he hide emotion. He writes like a man opening old trunks: some documents are neatly arranged, some are folded, some carry stains, but all have value.
The foreword by Padma Shri Pran Kishore Kaul rightly notes the courage required for an ordinary person to write his life. Autobiographies are usually associated with statesmen, artists, revolutionaries, film stars or public intellectuals. Dr. Kilam’s memoir challenges that assumption. Every life that has passed through history carries history within it. The life of a Kashmiri Pandit child born around the time of Independence, educated in Srinagar, employed in radio, banking and academics, and later displaced emotionally from the land of his birth, is not an ordinary life in the shallow sense. It is an ordinary life touched by extraordinary historical currents.
The emotional centre of the book is family. Grandparents, parents, brothers, sister, wife, sons, daughters-in-law and granddaughters appear not as decorative mentions but as the structure of the author’s world. The book is dedicated to his granddaughters Meyhaa, Kaira and Inaya, and this dedication explains its real audience. Dr. Kilam is speaking to the next generation. He is telling them: this is where we came from, these are the people who made us, these were our struggles, these were our values, and this was our Kashmir.
"Half Paddle Double Seat" is not a book of grand claims. It is a book of lived truth. It tells us that memory, when honestly recorded, becomes service. Dr. Kilam has pedalled through life with effort, balance and dignity. In doing so, he has carried not only his own story on the double seat, but also a fragment of Kashmir that deserves to be remembered. It is ultimately a quiet triumph of remembering against erasure. For the Kashmiri reader, the book will awaken many personal echoes. For the non-Kashmiri reader, it offers an intimate entry into a community’s social history. For younger readers, it offers a lesson in perseverance. For older readers, it may provoke a question: have we written down our own memories before they disappear? For the general reader, it is a measured entry into a civilidation’s continuity and a community’s endurance. Every reader of the book has something to gain and something to learn from what Dr. Kilam has recorded; accordingly, it becomes a must-read.
Written without vanity and without bitterness, yet every page carries the weight of a community’s lived truth and a man’s unbroken dignity. In an age of noise, Dr. Kilam has chosen the harder path: to record, to preserve, to bear witness. This is not a volume to skim and shelve. It belongs in libraries, in syllabi on displacement and resilience, and on the family shelf beside the photograph albums. Buy it, annotate it, gift it because some books preserve literature, and some preserve a people. This one does both.
( Avtar Mota )
DELAY IS DENIAL BUT MEMORY IS STUBBORN
For the exiled Kashmiri Pandits, restorative justice is not merely delayed; it is denied ; deferred across generations until memory itself is asked to shoulder the burden of proof. Across too many quarters, their uprooting, their ethnic cleansing, their three and a half decades of unhomed grief remain unatoned, as though naming the crime would implicate the present.
Beneath the polished rhetoric of “Dignified Return” lies an abyss of silence, vast and calculated, more eloquent than any eulogy and more damning than any indictment , implying that return is unwelcome . And the reluctance to acknowledge the suffering of the exiled by the people with whom they are now being proposed to relive, to rebuild, to reshare streets and institutions, has not changed for better . The false narrative that “they left of their own accord” remains still widespread on the ground.
The acknowledgement of the grief of the exiled community demands facing truth with courage and conviction. To the younger generation of the majority community in Kashmir, the exiled natives remain outsiders. For many elders from the majority community in Kashmir, the refusal to acknowledge the grief of the exiled community stems from a deeper unwillingness to look into the mirror that squarely projects where they failed, where neighbourhoods fell silent, and where humanity abdicated.
Beyond the squalor of some makeshift ghettos for the employees, and the token renovation of some vandalised temples, the ground itself remains unprepared: no security guaranteed, no restitution offered, no sincere invitation extended that is worthy of the name “home”. Many vested interests ; including those who either grabbed Kashmiri Pandit properties or bought them for peanuts , now treat the return of the exiled natives as trespass.
The voices in exile that once thundered for return have been summoned, one by one, to their heavenly abodes, their keys still clutched in trembling hands, their prayers still addressed to courtyards they may never cross again. The generation that remains now walks the same narrowing road towards the other world, carrying memories that exist only in elegies.
We see it in the attrition of language. Words for snow, for the first bloom of almond, for the turn of a lane in Rainawari, they grow faint on younger tongues. We see it in the erasure of address. What is not spoken, rots. What is not recorded, vanishes.
And when the last eye that remembers those old addresses finally closes, when the last tongue that can pronounce the localities of the old city or the ghats of Jhelum is stilled, the demand to return may be declared settled by default, the ledger closed by extinction rather than justice.
So we must ask, with all the gravity this moment demands: are heartless politicians or any other powerful group, paying lip service to the Kashmiri Pandit cause, merely biding their time, waiting for memory to die ... so that justice can be buried, and history rewritten in the silence? It happens. Insensitive people at the helm of affairs do try to run out the clock. The quiet that follows can get filled with a new story, one that suits them.
But memory is stubborn. It doesn’t only live in people. It hides in letters, in photos, in books, in art, in theatre, in songs, in films and in the foundations of new structures created over old buildings. It gets carried by children who weren’t there but heard the story anyway. It lives in the fold of a pheran kept in a trunk in Jaipur or Jammu. It lives in the weight of dejhoor or the design of a Pashmina shawl passed from a mother to a daughter who has never seen Kashmir. It lives in the Isband( rue seeds) being burnt in a Kangri to welcome guests.
Justice delayed is justice denied. But memory denied does not die. It waits. It refuses to surrender. It insists. And one day, it returns, not as trespass, but as title.
(Avtar Mota)
Twilight in Paris is not an hour. It is a decision the city makes.
The light begins to soften somewhere above the zinc rooftops, and the hard geometry of Haussmann’s boulevards gives way to something more forgiving. This is when evening visits Paris, not with a knock, but as an old friend who already knows where the spare key is hidden. It doesn’t arrive; it permeates.
Down on the crowded cafés, the city’s first philosophy takes place. Tables spill onto the pavement like afterthoughts. The clatter of saucers and spoons, the sharp hiss of an espresso machine, the low murmur of debate: these are the city’s evening prayers. At Café de Flore, the air warms up with intellectual gossip. Someone is dismantling Sartre between sips of Sancerre, while another argues that beauty is just math that learned how to smile. Here, ideas are not archived in libraries. They are tried on, like scarves, tested for weight and colour, then discarded or kept.
Walk the busy cobblestone paths along the Seine River, and you see the second thesis: motion as communion. River cruises cut gold lines through the water, their windows lit like stringed lanterns. On board, strangers become temporary constellations, bound by the same reflected Notre-Dame. The cathedral herself exhales. Daytime has been merciless: a tide of pilgrims, cameras, reverent whispers turned to noise. Now, in the blue hour, her buttresses stretch. She belongs again to the gargoyles and the wind. Along the promenades, artists pack up. Easels fold, canvases still wet with the river’s light are tucked under arms. The caricaturists cap their pens, their day’s faces filed away. Shoppers on promenades clutch bags and baguettes with equal reverence. Fashion passes you in fragments: a vintage trench, a neon sneaker, a silk headscarf knotted with precision. Individuality in Paris is not rebellion. It is curation.
The bars begin to hum, not loudly, but with the confidence of a cello in an empty church. Wine is poured like a slow argument. Hands find other hands on the walk home, not from necessity but from grammar. To be in Paris at dusk is to be conjugated: "je suis, tu es, nous sommes". Smiles are exchanged between strangers with the ease of borrowed light.
Then there is Montmartre. The hill is crowded, always, as if the city tilts and everyone slides there when the sun slips. The view from the top says nothing new, and that is its power. Paris does not reinvent itself at twilight. It remembers.
As dusk settles, Paris theatres shake off the day’s quiet and breathe. Chandeliers flicker on inside Opéra Garnier, gilding marble and velvet before the curtain lifts. Along Boulevard Montmartre, playhouses spill warm light onto wet cobbles, and the hum of last-minute ticket buyers mixes with the clatter of bistro chairs. Ushers straighten their lapels, actors pace behind crimson curtains, and the city’s pulse slows just enough to listen. One moment, the street belongs to horns and hurried footsteps; the next, a hush falls, doors close, and stories begin. Evening doesn’t arrive in Paris — it takes the stage.
And across the city, the museums feel tired. They have been dutiful hosts all day, enduring the shuffle of thousands, the camera flashes, the practised awe. Now the Louvre’s glass pyramid reflects only sky, not selfie sticks. Inside, the Mona Lisa is finally alone with her guards. Culture, too, needs to exhale. Evening gives it back to itself.
Even the dead keep better hours now. In Père Lachaise and Montparnasse, the cemeteries hold their VVIPs: Oscar Wilde, Maupassant, Sartre, Baudelaire, Piaf, Morrison, Proust and many more. By day, they are tourist attractions, their graves littered with metro tickets and lipstick kisses. But at dusk, the gates lock. The famous dead return to themselves. Paris understands that even immortality deserves privacy. The city is democratic in life, and oddly exclusive in death. Evening restores the hierarchy of silence.
So what does evening teach, when it visits Paris?
First, that solitude is a public act. You can be alone at a café table for hours, and still be part of the city’s conversation. Second, that time is measured differently after dusk. The river does not hurry. Evening in Paris argues against efficiency. It says: linger. Third, that individuality needs a witness. Fashion is not for the mirror. To dress in Paris at night is to join a silent colloquium on the self. Fourth, that exhaustion is sacred. Notre-Dame, the museums, even the dead: all are granted the dignity of rest. The city knows that wonder cannot be mass-produced from 9 to 5. It must be rationed, like good wine.
Evening air in Paris turns perfumed the moment the sun slips behind limestone rooftops. Flower stalls mist their roses and linden, and the cooling air pins the scent low between cobbles. Crêpe griddles and rotisseries fire up for apéro, threading butter, thyme, and melting cheese through the streets. Parisians reapply jasmine and amber as day cologne fades, so every passage fills with layered notes of skin and silk. Rain-damp stone and candlelit brocantes release moss, wax, and sandalwood while the Seine gives up a green, mineral breath. It isn’t one fragrance; it’s flowers, food, people, and old buildings exhaling at once, the city marking dusk with scent.
As dusk settles over Montmartre, the Moulin Rouge awakens. Its red windmill blades turn slowly against a deepening blue sky, whilst the façade blazes with Belle Époque bulbs that spill gold onto Boulevard de Clichy. The queue outside becomes its own performance: tourists clutching tickets, couples in evening wear, fashion borrowed from the pages of Vogue. Inside, velvet and mirrors catch the first notes of the orchestra, and champagne uncorks like punctuation to the city’s exhale. The can-can begins, a controlled explosion of ruffles, boots, and kicks that Toulouse-Lautrec would still recognise. For a few hours the world outside narrows to this stage. Pleasure, artifice, and labour blur into one choreography. Paris at night sells its oldest dream here, and the audience pays willingly.
When evening visits Paris, it does not come to change the city. It comes to reveal it. The day has edges, appointments, and purpose. Night has mystery, abandon. But twilight has honesty. In that blue hour, the city stops performing Paris and just becomes it: crowded, luminous, contradictory, alive. The artists go home. The celebrities in stone are left alone. The river carries only light.
Evening does not fall on Paris. Paris rises to meet it.
PARIS AT NIGHT
Paris at night shows its true self instead of hiding. The Seine flows past the city and reflects Notre-Dame, the Louvre, and the Eiffel Tower, turning stone and glass into shimmering copies on the water so Paris feels like a dream you can walk through. The Tower stops being just metal and becomes something magical when it sparkles every hour, and people use that moment for proposals, photos, and quiet wishes. The city’s 37 bridges connect everything, and the old Pont Neuf still carries crowds while the Pont des Arts once held thousands of love locks. Thinkers like Sartre and de Beauvoir used to cross these bridges, and today lovers, artists, and insomniacs do the same without anyone judging. Museums close but the Mona Lisa still watches in the dark, and the Opéra Garnier glows like a stage for every story Paris has told. You can hear Chopin’s piano music drifting from apartment windows, soft and slow, like the city humming to itself. The Moulin Rouge still turns its red windmill as dancers perform where art and nightlife have mixed for over a hundred years. The terraces at Cafe de Flore and Deux Magots are full of tourists from everywhere and locals who come to talk, drink, and watch each other, keeping the old Paris habit of seeing and being seen alive. Painters like Van Gogh loved how night wasn’t just black but deep blue and orange, and writers like Hemingway said Paris travelled with you because the nights stayed in your memory. Picasso met people here after dark and started new kinds of art, while fashion from Chanel and Saint Laurent changed how people dress to go out, with shop windows on Rue Saint-Honoré shining like displays. All of this makes Paris at night feel full of energy: people crossing bridges, buying tickets, ordering wine, arguing, loving, and living. The light on the river, on the buildings, and on faces tells you what the city is about. You come to see the monuments, but you stay because Paris feels alive and personal. Every night it begins again, offering the same streets and lights to anyone who wants to be part of it, reminding us that a city is not its stones but the choices, desires, and moments of the people who move through it, and in that sense Paris at night becomes a mirror: it shows us not only what the city is, but who we are when nothing else is watching.
Paris is illuminated at night because a city without light is a city without witnesses, and Paris refuses to be forgotten; its glow transforms stone into memory, iron into longing, and passing faces into fleeting art, so that beauty, freedom, and history remain visible even when the sun withdraws its sanction.
( Avtar Mota)