MY LATEST POEM ' I AM PERFORMING AN UNENDING HOMA '

                                                                               

This is my latest poem:

( I Am Performing An Unending Homa )

Nature moves on

with a strange, merciful indifference,

as though my discontent

were never written into its design.

Night dissolves into dawn.

Evening descends like a lullaby,

and the world yields,

softly, completely, to sleep.

But not I.

O Lord,

Why have You inscribed

this cruel insignia of wakefulness

upon my forehead?

Through day and night

I perform an unending Homa,

A sacrificial fire

Without altar,

Without a priest,

Without end.

It does not sanctify.

It consumes.

And I,

Alone before it,

Stand trembling,

Compelled to whisper ‘Swaha’

again and again:

“I offer this. I surrender this.”

until my own voice

begins to sound like ash.

What offering is this

that never fulfils the ritual?

How much of myself

must I cast into this fire?

What fire is this

that refuses completion,

that withholds

the mercy of ending?

Have You turned Your gaze away

that sleep has forgotten my name?

Or am I bound

by some unseen decree

to feed this flame endlessly,

To break myself into fragments,

To offer breath after breath,

Hope after hope,

Until nothing remains

but a handful of ash,

And even that

left unclaimed by the wind?

Tell me,

Will there be a Poorn-ahuti,

That final, merciful surrender,

When all this anguish is gathered

and ended in a single grace?

Or is this my fate:

A ritual without completion,

without release?

Is this my trial

or my punishment?

Am I being purified

or slowly erased?

I do not know.

I do not know.

I do not know.

(Avtar Mota )

CHINAR SHADE by Autarmota is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.

Based on a work at http:\\autarmota.blogspot.com\.