DEMANDING RESPECT

                                   

                      ( At Burlington, USA 2019) 

DEMANDING RESPECT 

I find many people demanding respect, quite often undeservingly. I firmly believe that the respect demanded is neither constructive nor lasting. People who demand respect often do so for various reasons, which could be ego, insecurity, status, power, cultural or social conditioning, misunderstanding and some previous experience. Demanding respect actively harms both the one demanding it and the one giving it. Both individuals know the respect is hollow, so the relationship becomes one of performance, not connection. In situations of 'demanded respect', the “giver” often plays along on the surface but feels no genuine admiration and tends to indulge in criticism behind the back of the person who demanded it. It removes the space for an honest and sincere dialogue. Killing sincerity, 'demanded respect' breeds hypocrisy and negativity over time.

OPINIONS OF HINDU SCRIPTURES  

In Hindu philosophy, the Upanishads reject the notion of 'demanded respect' Instead, they advocate for a respect that emerges naturally, grounded in ethical character, humility, and commitment to Dharmic living. The concept of Amantivam in the Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 13, Verse 7, and Verse 8) is nothing but the qualities of a wise person who does not seek undue respect or position, and who acts without arrogance, selfish ambition and pride. It praises the man endowed with the qualities of absence of ego or arrogance, humility, and lack of conceit. Some Slokas in Chapter 18 and Chapter 3 of the Bhagwad Gita also deal with this issue indirectly. Mahabharata also rejects 'demanded respect'. We know that Yudhishthira gains respect not by force or authority but by his adherence to truth and duty or Dharma, even under adverse circumstances. Contrary to this, Duryodhana seeks to demand respect through force and fear, but in the end, he loses his honour due to his actions being against Dharma.

Through its characters, Ramayana gives the most emphatic message on ‘demanded respect'. Sri Rama earns the respect of one and all, including his enemies, through his unwavering commitment to Dharma, truth, and compassion, while Ravana's pride and 'Demanded Respect' lead to his downfall.

Yoga-Vasishta teaches that respect earned through ego and demand is superficial and leads to suffering. According to it, true respect arises naturally when one transcends ego, cultivates humility, and realises his true self. The scripture clarifies that the respect demanded is Avidya, or lack of knowledge about one's real self. 

PHILOSOPHICAL OPINION

In Western philosophy, Friedrich Nietzsche has been the foremost critic of ’demanded respect'. According to him, ‘demanded respect’, especially when tied to authority or tradition, is a form of weakness or herd mentality. He believes that true respect is earned through strength and creativity, not demanded. Immanuel Kant says that demanding respect from others is not the real issue. According to him, the real issue is about giving it as a rational duty. Demanded respect contradicts Kant’s view of autonomous moral agents. Jean-Paul Sartre argues that respect must be authentic and freely given, tied to recognition of individual freedom and responsibility. He believes that forced or ’demanded respect’ undermines freedom and authenticity. Albert Camus has a sharp and clear perspective on 'demanded respect'. He writes believes it to be fundamentally void and even despicable. I quote Camus:-

 “There is nothing more despicable than respect based on fear.”

                                            

     ( Albert Camus speaking at the Nobel Prize ceremony)

 In Confucian philosophy, respect demanded without virtue disrupts harmony and is considered improper.

 GENERAL OPINION 

 Respect is never earned by force. It is built by a continuous reinforcement of fairness, empathy, trust and genuine feelings. In genuine respect, pride has no place. If you admire some person for his qualities, humility, behaviour, dealings, sincerity and empathy, you respect him automatically. Never does your pride spring forth and come in the way of your dealing with him.  Lack of respect brings pride in a relationship. In pride, you tend to dismiss and belittle other people. There is a disregard for the autonomy, boundaries and individuality. There is a 'Fall In' or a 'Fall Out' approach, both forming a part of the control mechanism. And no individual likes to be controlled. From pride springs forth its mischievous cousin, anger, though these look like different emotions. 

 Respect also implies recognising dignity, boundaries, and individuality, which foster trust and emotional safety. In any relation, respect is earned, not demanded. It is earned by investing humility, sincerity, attention, empathy and good conduct. Many individuals feel unsure about their worth, and they may try to force respect rather than earn it, because genuine respect from others feels uncertain to them. Merely being a relative, a friend or an acquaintance does not earn you respect. Those who keep demanding it without understanding the philosophy of respect get ignored and sidelined, so that  the other person is in a position to protect their emotions and energy. Quite often, a mere silence does its job in these situations. This silence also gives a message to the other person that his behaviour isn't worth your time. This method is more powerful than entering into a heated argument. Quite often, with your silence, the other person may also understand your boundaries. Beware of a persons who respect you because they consider you as a mere means to an end. This respect is never born out of genuine feeling or admiration.

And finally, ‘demanded respect’ is always fake and short-lived. Fear may force compliance, but never respect. Social obligations may force politeness, but they shall never spring forth genuine regard. Status imbalance may make people hide their real feelings to appear respectful, as disagreement may look unsafe to them. One needs to earn lasting respect. And lasting respect isn’t built in a single gesture.  It’s earned over time through consistent behaviour, integrity, and how you treat others. Respect extracted through intimidation isn't respect at all. It's coercion. On the contrary, respect is voluntary, grounded in dignity rather than submission.  

CONCLUSION 

 Respect demanded or sought by force, authority, or coercion is false, brittle, and detrimental. Across spiritual, philosophical, and literary traditions, true and lasting respect can be earned through empathy, humility, justice, and righteous conduct. Quite often, ‘demanded respect’ stems from pride or insecurity. It breeds anger, antipathy, and distrust. Unpretentious respect flows naturally to a person who acts with uprightness, empathy, and humility. Demanding respect undermines freedom, authenticity, and pleasant relationships. And respect is a mutual, voluntary recognition of dignity and worth, not a one-sided command or expectation. 

 

( Avtar Mota )

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